I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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