I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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