I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
