you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
