Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
