The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
