2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
