We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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