Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
