i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You can't motorboat a personality
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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