so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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