Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize