I think im going to throw up on grandma
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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