I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
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since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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