look no pants
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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