I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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