Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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