I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
