Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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