We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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