Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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