she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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