Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
