Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
