I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
