you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
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The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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