Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
