we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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