one might say we're banned from that church
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
