i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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