his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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