bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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