Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
