my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
