We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
