I smell stomach acid.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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