what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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