I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
