my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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