Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
