The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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