woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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