My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
