is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
this boner is exhausting
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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