So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
