Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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