it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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