More tranny stories later!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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