Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
