my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
