party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
only if we run a train.
done.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she peed on how many people?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
