when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
