I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my being single is dangerous.
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
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Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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