Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
