I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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