i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
