The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
