S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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