hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
