May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
