Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
