So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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