Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
