Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
