Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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