i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
