I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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