atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
