I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
