Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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