just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
