i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
