the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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