I must be too annoying 4 u.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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