just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
