Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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