Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
