I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
