i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
