so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
